Nadeem Ashraf has had many struggles since his partner Sharni Ruming died of a rare cancer. Now he has written a book about their life together in tribute to her.
The couple met in 2016 through work at a coffee business. Sharni had come to the UK from Australia’s Gold Coast. A relationship started the following year and they set up a home together in Wandsworth in 2020.
It was in March 2021 that Sharni – who had become a fitness instructor and was a certified trainer in a high-energy workout called Les Mills body attack and step – started having sciatica-like symptoms. She visited a physio but the problem did not go away with pains starting to shoot down her leg.
In April 2021, after a GP appointment, she went to A&E at Chelsea & Westminster Hospital and was there for three days while tests were carried out. Worryingly, scans showed shadows at the base of her spine.
Despite this, Nadeem said she was allowed to leave hospital and was not given any medication. She still didn’t know what was wrong and, to help tackle the pain, had salt baths at home.
She had to wait until August 2021 for a biopsy at Stanmore Hospital. Further tests were required and it was in September 2021 that she was given the shocking news that, at the age of 28, she had clear cell sarcoma (CCS). Worse than that, her cancer was terminal and she had 18 months to live.
Chemotherapy is not effective for this type of sarcoma so, in an attempt to maximise her time remaining, Sharni embarked on radiation treatment. There was reduction in the cancer at the base of her spine but it had already spread elsewhere.
There was better news when she was accepted on an immunotherapy trial in October 2021 but this had to be stopped in March 2022 due to the impact on her heath.
Nadeem said: ‘We tried to make memories and do things together.’ Sharni raised awareness of sarcoma via Instagram and raised funds for research into clear cell sarcoma involving gyms in Wandsworth.
The immunotherapy restarted but by now Sharni had lumps on her head and her heart was weak. She was declining fast. Her immunotherapy then stopped.
The couple went on a final holiday to St Lucia, something which was on Sharni’s bucket list. In April 2023, she was admitted to a hospice but was there for less than a day and she died aged 30.
This had a devastating impact on Nadeem, 62. He said: ‘Mentally, I was gone. I was prescribed anti-depressants. I went from being an extrovert to being an introvert. I would have panic attacks when I went out. I am not the same person I was.’ He was later diagnosed with PTSD.
Not in work, one of the few times Nadeem goes out is to walk his dog Lucky, the pet who had never left Sharni’s side.
Nadeem also makes house and drum and bass music on social media and had written a song about Sharni called Angel Rising. ‘Music helps me focus to take away stress,’ he said.
He started writing the book in note form after Sharni died. It was at the start of this summer that he picked it up again.
‘She used to say that “people will forget about me”. This book is a legacy and hopefully it will help people going through the same journey.’
The book is called Eternally my Chick and Nadeem is hoping to release it on all digital channels like Amazon Kindle and draft2digital on 8 October, Sharni’s birthday.
Of the book, Nadeem said: ‘It’s a love story that happens to be set against cancer. It starts with Sharni’s life and our relationship, takes you through her fight, and then into what happens when I lose her. It’s raw, it’s honest and ultimately it’s about how love survives even when the person you love doesn’t.’
Helen Stradling, Support Line Manager at Sarcoma UK, said: ‘Sarcoma doesn’t just affect the person diagnosed, it changes the lives of everyone around them. We hear every day from partners, parents and friends who are trying to process the loss of someone they love. What Nadeem has done in writing this book, turning something so painful into something that might help someone else, is exactly the kind of legacy so many people affected by sarcoma want to leave. Our Support Line is here for anyone who needs to talk, whether that’s someone living with sarcoma or someone supporting a loved one through it.’
